Joyce 馃悵 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

2 years ago 路 11 min. reading time 路 ~100 路

Joyce 馃悵 blog
MY Bleeding Heart

MY Bleeding Heart


to help drug addicts

I have a story to tell.聽 We all do.聽I sought to live a life of obscurity.聽I鈥檝e always downplayed my skills because I鈥檝e never seen them as little more than a curse.聽 Nothing impressed this on me more than this event:




African Sleeping Sickness and the 7-year-old聽Me




I learned much preparing from that talk.聽 I learned my peers didn鈥檛 like smart-ass classmates and I learned about coitus鈥攇o figure.聽 Even at the tender age of seven, I tried to learn to tone me down in order to 鈥榝it in.鈥


But life tends to take funny twists and turns for smart asses.聽 My life was no different.


Being a smart ass is difficult to say the least.聽 I absorb science and information like a sponge.聽 I assess and reassess and conclude.聽 I do it with everything.


Flashback to age eighteen:

Being eighteen and a smart ass just didn鈥檛 happen in my circles.聽 I gained notoriety regardless.聽 I had sought to drug my abilities out of existence and had almost killed myself in the process.聽 After a few years, I snapped myself out of my spiral towards death and became a rousing speaker against it.













Enter Brother Jim:

Jim was a Jesuit Brother who latched on to my speaking skills to start him a drug rehabilitation facility we called 鈥淏reakthrough.鈥澛 I have a picture of our logo someplace.聽 I鈥檒l find it later.






In those early days, Joe Klein was my shadow.

TIME Columnist Joe Klein
On Clinton, Trump And
The 2016 Campaign ple A >

As you can see, he鈥檚 made quite a name for himself.聽 He was just starting out in those early days and had a great nose for stories.聽 I kept as much of mine under wrap-and-key as I could, but I always had the sense that Joe knew there was more to me than met the eye.


And there was鈥β Joe Klein wrote this:



to help drug addicts


And here is the story he wrote about me and boy, did he nail who I was and still am in many ways:

By Joe Klein

PEABODY鈥擩oyce Bowen is the driving force behind Project Breakthrough, the full-scale drug rehabilitation center purposed for Peabody, and Project Breakthrough is the driving force behind Joyce Bowen.

Joyce sat in Henry鈥檚 Honey Bee Restaurant on Main Street, Peabody, the other day, nervously pushing a cigarette around ann ashtray, and talked about Breakthrough and the local drug problem in general.

鈥淚鈥檓 not going to tell you marijuana is any worse than booze because I don鈥檛 think it is,鈥 she said firmly.聽 鈥淏ut that doesn鈥檛 mean we should legalize grass.聽 I think we should go the other way!聽 We should outlaw booze.鈥

There was no sense in arguing with her, no sense in telling her how prohibition failed the first time.聽 Joyce had the fierce look of a reformer in her eye.

She seemed both older and younger than her 18 years.聽 It was obvious she鈥檇 seen a lot more than most girls her age and just as obvious she鈥檇 seen a lot less.

She spoke with a strength which comes from first-hand experience and the weakness which comes from desperation.

The glaring contrasts in Joyce鈥檚 personality are there because she鈥檚 a member of a very small and exclusive club which has branches all over the country.

Kicked Habit

She鈥檚 a drug user who kicked the habit.

You can鈥檛 really call Joyce an ex-addict because she was never addicted to anything in the strictest sense of the word.聽 Psychologists would call her drug-dependent.聽 That is, her craving was mental not physical.

But Joyce will tell you that it doesn鈥檛 make a difference where the craving comes from.聽 When you鈥檙e hooked, mentally or physically, life is a chamber of horrors, a reoccurring nightmare which seems like it will never end.

There are only two ways you can stop using drugs when you鈥檙e hooked, and both ways are hard.聽 You can either kick the habit or聽 die in a dark alley with a dirty needle in your arm.

When you re an ex-junkie, dying probably seems an easier way than kicking it at times.聽 Because when you are dead, at least you don鈥檛 have to live with your shame afterwards.

When you鈥檙e a member of that exclusive club, the ex-junkies, you鈥檝e got to live with the shame of the past three or four years.聽 You鈥檝e got to live with the fact that you would have stolen from your mother to score a fix.

You鈥檝e got to live with the fact that you鈥檝e been a parasite and now you have some dues to pay.

So Joyce and the others who kick it often turn to rehabilitating their friends who weren鈥檛 so lucky.聽 And unlike the do-gooders who overpopulate the drug scene, the ex-junkies aren鈥檛 soft and nice with the kids.

Joyce is tough

Joyce is tough.聽 She knows that no matter how nice an upbringing a junkie has had, he鈥檒l do anything to score.聽 She knows about the con games junkies play because she鈥檚 played them herself.

When Joyce Bowen talks about her past, she doesn鈥檛 give herself any sympathy.聽 She talks about the past four years of her life as if they were just another case study in one of the multitudes of pamphlets of the evils of drugs.

(To be continued)


But he never knew about this:


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I wrote a story about it decades ago.聽 In the story, I use fictional names.聽 I AM Jessie in the story.


聽 聽 聽 聽The door to the third floor apartment hit the wall as it swung open.聽 Two men in their late thirties squeezed through the entrance.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淗eelllooo, heLLOOooo??鈥 one of them called as they made the trek up the narrow stairs.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The voice was not familiar to Jessie.聽 She poked her head around the corner in time to view two men, dressed in impeccable suits.聽The vertigo she often felt when she looked down the dimly lit stairs was accompanied by a sense of uneasiness.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淚鈥檓 lookin for Willie.聽Is he here, doll?聽 My name鈥檚 John鈥攁nd this here is Ronny.聽 What鈥檚 your name?鈥澛 His tone of voice did little to reassure her.聽 聽

He darted his head around the corner into the bathroom, situated directly to his left, with a practiced air Jessie did not like.聽 He looked like the police on television as they checked to see if a perp was in the next room, but she doubted that law enforcement was his occupation.聽 John, not waiting for her answer, swept passed her into the living room.聽 Jessie saw that he missed nothing, including the fact that there was no threat here.聽 Jessie knew instinctively to stay put and out of the men鈥檚 way as they scanned the apartment鈥攖here would be no easy escape鈥攖alking to them was a better idea.聽

Her friend, Linda, sat on the couch next to the far wall, a look of poorly masked horror settling in her eyes.聽 A skylight in the slanted ceiling above her provided the only source of illumination in the last of daylight hours.

鈥淲here鈥檚 your boyfriend, honey?鈥澛 The man calling himself John did not wait for Linda to answer.聽 He motioned his cohort over to the door on the opposite side of the room.聽 He stood close enough to Jessie to grab her should the need arise. Neither of the girls could make it to the door without his permission.聽 They knew better than to even try.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淭here鈥檚 nobody here, John.鈥澛 The second man鈥檚 physique appeared stuffed into his suit.

鈥淢y name is Jessie.聽 Willie doesn鈥檛 live here anymore.聽 I made him leave after Linda told me he was still taking drugs.鈥澛

Numbness settled in on her as she realized who John was.聽 Mad John always carried a gun鈥攁 tool of terror he did not hesitate using if he felt the need arise.聽

Jessie scanned the eyes of the man and to pick out the glass orb she knew had to be there.聽 They were both perfectly blue in the dying light of the afternoon.聽 Her curiosity overwhelmed her need for self-preservation as her eyes locked on his.聽 The man had destroyed Willie鈥檚 kneecaps with a few well-placed bullets, and left him to crawl through a quarter of a mile of woods and brush to the hospital.聽 Willie had ripped John off by cutting the heroin with sugar before he sold it, using the stuff he had cut out to feed his habit.聽Bile crept up her throat and flavored her fear, but her eyes would not move from his.

鈥淲elll, Willie鈥檚 not here, but you are.聽 There ya go, Ronnie.聽 There鈥檚 the girl for you!鈥澛 John nodded towards Linda as he grasped Jessie鈥檚 elbow and piloted her into the kitchen.聽 鈥淲hat a nice little kitchen you have here!聽 How old are you, cutie?聽 Nahhh, never mind.聽 Old enough.鈥

He set her down in a chair and took one across from her, moving it close enough to brush her knees with his own.聽 She shivered at his touch and met his gaze firmly, hoping she did not reveal the intensity of her fear.

鈥淲illie鈥檚 not here鈥攜ou can leave him a message and we鈥檒l give it to him if we see him.聽 I don鈥檛 expect he will be back.鈥澛

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淣o problem鈥攂ut since I鈥檓 already here, how about we go in the other room and have some fun?鈥澛

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淚鈥檓 engaged to be married.聽 I couldn鈥檛 be unfaithful to my fianc茅e.鈥澛

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淗ow鈥檚 about I give ya a hundred bucks?鈥澛 His grin widened.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淣o, I can鈥檛.聽 I鈥檓 engaged!鈥澛

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淥kay, I鈥檒l fix it.聽I鈥檒l shoot him.聽 Ya know?鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 This man would not hesitate to put Randy in the ground if that was what it would take.聽 She knew if he flew into a rage, he would not hesitate to kill her.聽 There was no way to tell what his mood was he was that smooth.聽

鈥淣o!聽 I love him.聽I can鈥檛 go into the other room with you.鈥澛

聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽The girl鈥檚 eyes filled with tears, but she refused to allow them to trickle down her cheeks.聽 If going with him would be the end of it鈥攕he would do it, but she knew he would come back if she crumbled under pressure this time.聽 She jumped as John rose from his chair and moved to the door.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淐鈥檓on, Ronnie.聽Time to split!聽 We ain鈥檛 gettin鈥 nowhere here.鈥澛 The words ripped from his mouth as he bolted through the kitchen door.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Jessie did not move when the big man passed her, as if lack of motion would somehow make her invisible.聽 She waited until the sounds of the men in the building were no more.聽 She stood slowly to assuage the nausea that threatened to force the noonday meal from her stomach.聽 Dizziness forced her to hold onto the doorjamb as she checked to see that Linda was unharmed.聽 Never had such a sense of control and helplessness collided within her thought process.聽 Buried within her fear was exhilaration at what had just happened, but guilt was rising through the other emotions.聽 She had placed Rudy, her ex-boyfriend, in danger.聽 In the all-white neighborhood where she lived, his black face stuck would not be difficult to spot.聽 They no longer planned to marry, but they remained fast friends and occasional lovers.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淚鈥檓 calling the police, Linda!鈥澛 Jessie picked up the phone and dialed.聽 鈥淗ello?聽I鈥檇 like to report鈥︹


聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Twenty-four hours later Jessie was riding in the airport bus.聽 The local police had sent her to the state police, who had sent her to the Feds.聽It had been a confusing bit of two stepping鈥攐r was it three stepping.聽 There was a skip in between when the state guys sent the cute blond sergeant and his partner to interview Jessie and her roomie.聽 When the call came from the FBI, she sat in the chair beneath the phone, across from the one John had sat in鈥攈er hot seat, as she now called it.聽 What she knew about the Feds had more in common with Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., who had starred in the TV series, 鈥淭he FBI鈥, than it did with real life.聽A soul chill rippled through her as she wondered what they wanted.聽

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Jessie became lost in the huge cavern housing the airlines鈥 ongoing business.聽 Years ago, when she was small, she had flown with her grandparents.聽 Now, with the yawed ceiling high above her, she experienced small again.聽 She wandered aimlessly for a bit, before asking at the information desk for the location of the 鈥淏lue Lady Lounge鈥.聽 It was so unassuming that she had wandered passed it, not once, but twice.聽

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Jessie caught the swinging door as another customer left, letting out an ooof聽as the unexpected weight threw her off balance.聽 So much for an entrance, she thought.聽 The smell of alcohol hit her in the face, and she grimaced her distaste for the odor.聽 The bar was brightly lit and filled with light chatter, not at all what she expected.聽As she straightened her lavender trench coat, two men in impeccable suits walked towards her.聽 They glanced at each other and look back at her.聽 One of the men flashed his badge when he was close enough and motioned her to sit at a nearby table.聽

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淗i, I鈥檓 Agent Steve Knowlton.聽 We鈥檇 about given up on you.鈥澛

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淛essie Gibbons.聽Sorry, I got lost.鈥澛 She took the hand he offered and sat in the chair opposite him.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Agent Steve looked at his partner again and then back at Jessie.聽 He cleared his throat.聽 鈥淲e want to ask you to become John鈥檚鈥攆riend.鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲hat exactly do you mean by friend?鈥澛 Jessie鈥檚 face scrunched as if she had bitten into a green apple.

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淲e need you to collect information for us鈥攕pend time with him鈥攇et close to him.鈥

聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淵ou mean sleep with him if I have to!鈥澛 Jessie chuckled and shook her head.聽 鈥淚s this the price for protection?聽 I go to bed with him and you try to make sure he doesn鈥檛 kill me?聽 Don鈥檛 you think I鈥檓 a little out of my league here?鈥澛 Jessie could see from the look on Agent Steve鈥檚 face that he could present no argument.聽 He was doing a job, one he obviously didn鈥檛 like at the moment.聽 鈥淟isten.聽 I鈥檓 sorry guys, but the answer is no.鈥

Minutes later she rose from the table, and made her way to the door.聽She would get her protection鈥攂ut what she had suspected for most of her eighteen years had been proven: when it came to her safety, she would have to be very careful in determining who the good guys were.聽 For Jessie鈥攖he good guys may not even exist!


Those were tough days that taught me many lessons I鈥檇 rather not have learned.聽After my babies were brain-damaged by their baby shots and all the subsequent persecution I and so many others suffered and still suffer, I suppose you could say life well-prepared me for these days.

A short while ago. I spoke to a person who had always been there for me at any time of the day or night wa-ay back in the 70s鈥攁 reporter.聽 I told him COVID didn鈥檛 exist and he told me he never wanted to hear from me again.聽 I hung up the dead receiver and cried.

God Bless my babies

7 can'tesplain it or why. but (sebing at theee two litle
boge makes me feel connceted to mhat my baby boys
must have groma iate after being brain- damaged by
their baby shote
Loot aud aloac and bauiag saly cack othe coc though
7 mae releatlecely there for them

My tears are floming


Click a link below to get your copy of The Nuremberg Code.

The Nuremberg Code (1949)

The volustary come of (he ba sect bolenehy cient sl

This ees hat he ries volved sid Save KBE CAPRA te gi Comite.
Shen. he 2 mated 4 to oe sie Ao evar te fee permet of chouce, withons fr
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expen. (he exiad sed Coram by which 0 10 be comducind.
coves aa bazar restora 10 be exposed, and Bu effects pom Ses
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The cupermiet shod x coma ely By eosenficaly Gah fsé persons. The
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Dring com Bt € spr mms, bs un pc kd bi 2 3ry 10
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where comme of th chp seemed 1058 1 bx impensibc
10 Dung the course of the experiment, the scientist in charge must be prepared to
termunate the expenment at any stage. if he has probable cause to believe, in the
exercise of the good faith, supenor skill and careful judgement required of him
that a continuation of the experiment is likely to result in injury, disshibty, or
death to the experimental subject

“Trials of War Criminals before the Nuremberg Military Tribunals under Control
Council Law No 107. Vol 2,pp 181-182 Washington, DC US Government Printing
Office, 1949 |">">



Nuremberg Code Video link


If you download The Nuremberg Code, understand you have to do something with it.聽 Please e-mail these folks below:


It's actually time to stop talking and stop watching videos and signing useless petitions and do this:

It鈥檚 time to get The Hague involved for violations of The Nuremberg Code and Crimes Against Humanity.聽Contact them here:

Submit communications to the
Office of the Prosecutor

Information and Evidence Unit
Office of the Prosecutor

Post Office Box 19519
2500 CM The Hague
The Netherlands
Fax +31 70 515 8555">


Trying individuals for genocide, war crimes, crimes against humanity, and aggression

Contact us

Communications and claims under art.15 of the Rome Statute may be addressed to:

Information and Evidence Unit
Office of the Prosecutor
Post Office Box 19519
2500 CM The Hague
The Netherlands

or sent by email to聽

or sent by facsimile to +31 70 515 8555.

The more of us who do this, the more they can鈥檛 ignore us.


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