Mid-Life Strikes, Do You Know Which Path to Take?
Today was a day of self-reflection. My self-reflection was so deep I actually began to cry. I finally admitted to myself that I don't know who I am anymore. I sat at my PC just staring and wondering if I've ever known who I truly am? I felt a flood of sadness, anxiousness, and anger raging inside of me as these thoughts/feelings were so strong I felt like they were slapping me in the face, almost as if the thoughts were taunting me.
I have dedicated my entire life to helping others and I'm not saying this for a pat on the back. That is the core of who I am. But, there is more to me than just helping others and why it's taken me so damn long to figure this out is just as perplexing. As I write this tonight, I can honestly admit, I don't know who I am or what it is I should be doing. Tears stream down my face because I feel in some ways like a failure and I also feel angry because I know I have many talents. Why can't I tap into my talents and put them to work? In part, I think it's because my brain keeps saying, you can't compete with the younger generation, you're spent... that's my subconscious speaking but it's hard to ignore when you've been out of work for a long period of time. Work has never defined who I am but I find myself looking for a definition now. Am I looking to define myself or define who I am through my work and passions? I've always counted on my passions to define me. Life has become more confusing. I thought things would get easier by the time I hit this magical era in my life.
My life has consisted of taking care of my siblings when my dad was ill and dying, becoming a nurses aid at a big hospital when I was 17 ( a junior in high school), moving on and getting hired as a Respiratory Technician, Cardiac Lab Tech, taking 2 years off to stay home with my son and I babysat. I went back to the hospital when they called to ask me to apply for a Phlebotomist position. I applied and took the job, it was part-time and worked out great because I had two children at the time. We moved about two years after I took that job and my husband was making enough money that I was able to stay at home. I wouldn't trade my years of being at home for anything. The problem, I didn't make an exit plan for MY life outside of raising children. I volunteered at their schools for various activities my kids were involved in and life was busy. My life was so busy, I forgot about my own needs at some point.
We all have unique talents and sometimes those talents lie dormant, just waiting to come out
Lisa Gallagher
I admire those of you that found your niche and stuck with it or expounded on it. My mind tends to travel in ten different directions and it seems I can't focus on just one niche.
I found this Tedx Video and I hope some of you listen to it. This video sums up who I think I am and why it's hard for me to make a decision. It sums up while I feel like a failure. I am NOT looking for sympathy, I'm just being quite frank and expressing my thought process at this point or shall I say, sharing my juncture in my life? Has anyone else felt stuck? How are you dealing with midlife if things don't seem to be going as you may have anticipated long before you hit this time in your life? I hope you watch the video. This video gave me some hope and also made me realize, I'm not alone... I'm just different. Being different can make us unique, right?
Articles from Lisa Gallagher
View blogSome of you may have already heard that I will be meeting a fellow 'bee' in Nags Head, North Carolin ...
Anxiety, just when you think you might be beating this disorder it comes back with a fervor. There i ...
It's no wonder Mid-life can hit some of us harder than others. Let's face it, many of us gain weight ...
Related professionals
You may be interested in these jobs
-
Part Time Product Demonstrator in Albertsons
Found in: Appcast US A2 ECP - 16 hours ago
Advantage Solutions Clarksville, United States Part timeIf you enjoy talking and engaging with people, our Part Time Product Demonstrator job is exactly what you are looking for In this role, you will create a fun, engaging experience for Albertsons shoppers by promoting and sampling products. · What we offer: · Competitive wage star ...
-
Delivery Driver
Found in: Jooble US C2 - 2 days ago
DoorDash Newark, NJ, United StatesDo you have a car, scooter or motorcycle? Then get paid good money just for delivering delicious food to hungry locals whenever you have some spare time. DoorDash lets you decide when you want to work. That's why hundreds of people are choosing to become Dashers every week - as a ...
-
Landscape Construction, Maintenance and Crew Members
Found in: Jooble US O C2 - 3 days ago
Fairfield Landscaping Waynesburg, PA, United StatesFairfield Landscaping is Hiring Landscape Crew Members · We are currently looking to add a Landscape Crew Member to our great team who will assist in the day-to-day activities of the construction and maintenance operations by completing assigned tasks. · Start at $17 per hour · ...
Comments
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #58
Lyon Brave thanks so much for your very honest comment, I appreciate it! You have great writing skills too, we all differ in style. I read Anne Frank's Diary, eye opening. Can you believe I've only been for a massage once in my life, once for manicure and one pedicure. Not sure why I don't try to pamper myself more, I think I feel guilty and I know I shouldn't. Getting out in nature is great for anxiety, because it removes a lot of distractions. Thanks for reading this Lyon and I hope your doing well!
Lyon Brave
6 years ago #57
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #56
Claim your eldership, I like that idea! We earned it ;-) I swear at times I think my husband has a harder time with mid-life than me. He still wants to keep up with our kids and grandkids as if he was 30 again. I felt the same for a while but I had an epiphany, been there, done that! They need to accept me as I am and I need to be ok with where I am. I think there is more pressure on women today at our age vs. when our mothers were this age? I could be wrong. I will give my husband a pass though, he has some prior injuries that are acting up and it's frustrating him even though he never complains, I know him well and that does break my heart.
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #55
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #54
I think it may be more prevalent than people admit to 'feel stuck.' I wonder if it affects women more than men or if it's equal? I'm so glad you are going to get back out into the world and find yourself. Write blogs when you feel frustrated, you have a ton of friends here who are more than happy to encourage and even give advice if you need it Lyon Brave. Life sure can be tough... it's nice when we hit a place in life and feel like we can say, "Yes, I'm happy and content." I'm not there yet either.
Lyon Brave
6 years ago #53
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #52
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #51
Thank you very much , nice to see you!!
Prakashan B.V
6 years ago #50
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #49
Well said Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman!! We do all have dreams we may have to put on the back burner for various reasons. We are never too old to pursue those dreams until we think we ARE ;-) I hope you are finding yourself too. I think I've become pickier as I've 'matured,' because I have experienced so much and I'm sure many our age could say that too. Here's to a long and fruitful future ahead for both of us!!
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #48
I just saw your email tonight Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange, I would love to chat. I will write back tomorrow with a few dates/times that I'm free :)) Wow, that's horrible to hear about the woman that stayed home to take care of her husband who had cancer. Life can throw curve balls but heck.. we are just beginning at our age! And, we also paid many dues prior to hitting this point in life. I find women our age to be dependable, willing and excited to learn more and a bit more laid back.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #47
I was finally able to do it Louise Smith, thanks! I posted on one of your buzzes RE: my results.
Louise Smith
7 years ago #46
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #45
Great article, "The do's and don'ts! I would highly recommend that one to anyone who is dealing with midlife issues. I wasn't able to access the quiz, it said forbidden :(
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #44
Hi Louise Smith, thanks for your well thought out comment! I forgot about Erik Erikson, we had to learn his model when I took lifespan and development. This is definitely the stage I'm in: Generativity vs. Self absorption or Stagnation – Care ... Need to get out of stagnation and turn to self care! I'm working on it. It's funny (not ha ha funny) but it seems like not that long ago I was telling my friends you are as old as you feel and age is just a number. I know this will pass. I most certainly want to feel fullfilled and without regret when I hit the last stage! It sure is about change, and change can be hard depending on what it is one is dealing with inside. I'm trying to remind myself, it's about attitude too. I will check out the other links you left and I really do appreciate you taking the time to leave me with some food for thought along with facts.
Louise Smith
7 years ago #43
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #42
Awe, I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts! I remember a year before mom was diagnosed she began losing a ton of weight and had a lot of vague symptoms which wasn't like her. She was a type A, always on the go... she even canceled a vacation to Maine 3 months before her diagnosis, and she loved her "ocean time.' I hope it's nothing serious, Nicole. Sending good vibes and hugs to you too!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #41
Hi Nicole Chardenet, I really appreciate your positive feedback, support and UNDERSTANDING! Midlifers rock (at least I'm beginning to feel that way) LOL. I will check my email, it may be later before I can respond but I look forward to reading it. I think there have been a lot of bumps in the road over the past year which haven't helped... more than just losing my mom. As I wrote some time ago, I think her death was just the catlyst for many other things I'd been ignoring and they all came to a freaking head this past year or so... little by little. Thanks Nicole!!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #40
Those sure weren't wasted years and I know it paid off because we are best friends today! From what I've read on your buzzes Joyce Bowen, you hardly have a bare resume. You've been a voice for many and continue to do so. It sounds like you are hard on yourself too?! Embrace all you've done, I know it can be hard at times, this coming from a person who can see more in others than herself. Maybe many of us tend to be our own worse critics?
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #39
How inspiring Mindful Tee, I love how you ended your paragraph, "where there is hope in the future, there is power in the present." Thanks for your inspiring words!! I will keep this in mind. Maybe my new mantra each day :)
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #38
Hi Ken Boddie, you know something, I've actually been looking for a local photography course, so you know me well! We have a place called the High Ed. in town (most colleges are miles away from my rural area) and every once in a while they offer beginner digital photography and other photography courses, so great idea! And, you are on to something, I'm seriously looking into attaining certification I would legitimately need to become a travel agent. I'm not sure of the cost, there are so many offers online and I need to find out from someone in the field (maybe our local AAA) so I can find out how to do this? I noticed AAA was offering courses a while back but they were 'closed' when I found it online. Thanks for the suggestions. I just need a better camera for the type of photography course I'd like to take! I have a bridging camera right now and it's OK.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #37
I'm waiting for mine... they keep whispering to me, I just need to listen. Thanks Debesh Choudhury! Nice to see you, by the way :)
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #36
Well said @michael o'neil!! I like the way you think :)
Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee
7 years ago #35
Paul Walters
7 years ago #34
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #33
Debesh Choudhury
7 years ago #32
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #31
Wishing you all the best Craig! You sound happy and I bet there is still quite a wonderful world waiting for you to explore and enjoy. :)
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #30
I'm glad this video made sense to you Jerry Fletcher! I think my son tends to be the same. I agree, many people don't understand others who have many ideas, change jobs frequently or just seem scattered. Our brains are all wired differently but that is what makes each of us unique. I'm glad you shared!!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #29
I'm sorry you feel this way too Scott Craig. Not a fun way to feel. Sending good thoughts to you and I hope some of the comments on this thread by others may help a bit?!!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #28
my Aunt was a nurse who had her MBA. She once shared with me that she attended a conference and they were told that people who stay stuck in jobs for the sake of just making money or because they'd be considered a failure if they pursued something that may not seem as lucrative were the people who died younger. There was much more to what she shared but that was the premise. I guess the moral- pursue your dreams and let the chips fall where they may. Staying stuck in a job that a person isn't happy with or gets bored with takes a toll on the physical body. My Aunt lived into her 80's and began her own Company when she was in her late 50's... it was a rocky start but she did well and she was HAPPY!! It also allotted her to travel, which she loved.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #27
Donna Wood its always great to hear when someone came through the other side finding their passion and overcoming the darkness. Welcome to the multipotentialite club! ;-) Thank you for sharing too!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #26
\ud83d\udc1d Fatima Williams thank YOU for being so patient with me during this difficult journey. I thank so many. One day I will write a gratitude buzz to all of those who believed in me and still do. Right now, so many of you believe in me more than I'm capable of believing in myself. I just want to say, that's not who I am. I've always been a very upbeat and fairly positive person. I hope one day those closest to me realize I'm spent... understatement. I just feel right now, I don't have much to give if anything. I guess I just need to keep searching for the right people who care enough to help me get better and become more than I was before this came on like a tornado. Thank you again!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #25
Thanks , I appreciate your kind sentiments and taking the time to read this. :)
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #24
oh my gosh, I can't stop crying. I can relate to that young girl so much. I'm so glad she had parents who cared enough to see her through her anxiety and depression. They understood it was an illness that she had no control over and saw her through it with love. Everyone needs someone in times of a crisis, it's sad that many suffer in silence or pretend to be stronger than they really are during their illness. I'm still crying but I thank you for sharing this Chas \u270c\ufe0f Wyatt. I understood her depths of despair, sadly.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #23
Hi Ian Weinberg, thank you for your wise advice. I hope it doesn't appear I do not appreciate things in my life. I do have so much to be thankful for and those are the things I focus on. I'm glad to hear this is not an uncommon part of life. As they say, "this too, shall pass." Then we hit the next stage! I remember when I took a class on life span development it was stressed that those who were happy and had few regrets in the latter stage of life, well they lived life well both mentally and doing what made themselves happy. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #22
Hi Todd Jones, picturing myself riding a unicycle cracked me up. I say, good for you! Another idea for a hive, "Mid-Lifers Club." ;-) Every year there is a bike race to the Top of Mount Evans in Colorado and there is a man who rides a Unicycle up (not sure about down). They start at 7k ft and climb to over 14k ft. Amazing! My son and his uncles have made it a yearly tradition to participate in this. Thanks for your comment, greatly appreciated!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #21
I just learned a new word today , thank you for your wisdom and comment :))
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #20
Very interesting response CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit. I wondered why my therapist said after a lot of CBT that I was a candidate for EMDR which does bring up past traumas etc... we may have hidden deep within our brains and forgotten about. We have taken a break from the EMDR because I have felt more distressed since things came up that I wasn't expecting, things I never shared with anyone. In the article I found this, "Did you know that meditation can bring to the surface repressed emotional traumas that you may not be ready for? Did you know that it can also destabilize you?" That's scary and maybe does make sense right now! Thank you very much.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #19
I need more discovery Pascal Derrien, I'm home too much, doing work for the Company and the day just passes by (not trying to sound like a martyr at all). I have a dream but I'm not sure I can make it happen. My dream would be doing something I honestly like and get me out of the home, along with being around others again. I've always been a highly social 'creature,' and I know that's one thing that is causing distress. Only I can 'cure' that ;-) Thanks for your kind advice, I appreciate it!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #18
I'm sure I'm not alone, another tough stage in life for many, I believe? "path of each person for life is unique and special." Well said Julio Angel \ud83d\udc1dLopez Lopez, thank you for your wise words!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #17
Thanks @Michael O'Niel! I'm glad you were able to relate to the video, yes- Multipotentialites unite! Maybe we need a hive for that one :))
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #16
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #15
Jerry Fletcher
7 years ago #14
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
7 years ago #13
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
7 years ago #12
Chas \u270c\ufe0f Wyatt I just cried watching that beautiful video you shared. AGT brings out the best in many talented individuals struggling in some way or the other. Thank you for sharing this.
David B. Grinberg
7 years ago #11
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
7 years ago #10
Mohammed Abdul Jawad
7 years ago #9
Ian Weinberg Thanks so much for your kind, thoughtful remarks.
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #8
Ian Weinberg
7 years ago #7
indeed I learned a new word here from you vicegerent! There is much hidden wisdom in your short comment. Respects to you.
Graham🐝 Edwards
7 years ago #6
Mohammed Abdul Jawad
7 years ago #5
CityVP Manjit
7 years ago #4
Pascal Derrien
7 years ago #3
Julio Angel 🐝Lopez Lopez
7 years ago #2
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #1
Believe me, the idea of traveling has crossed my mind. It's just not something I could do on a long term basis because I do enjoy being near my kids. Well at least on the same continent ;-) I'm happy that new doors opened for you! I have heard many talk about leaving for new ventures and they seem to be happy!