Patrick Scullin

5 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

Blogging
>
Patrick blog
>
Manafort Will Receive The Presidential Medal of Freedom

Manafort Will Receive The Presidential Medal of Freedom

79b8f2db.jpg

Donald J. Trump announced today he will be awarding recently convicted felon Paul Manafort The Presidential Medal of Freedom next week.

“Paul Manafort is one of the bravest Americans ever,” the president told The Lint Screen. “He has withstood the very unfair Mueller witch hunt and rigged legal system, and he has kept his yap shut.”

Manafort was convicted on eight of eighteen counts of financial crimes. He served as Trump’s campaign manager until he was revealed to be an agent for a foreign adversary and released from his post.

“Paul is a patriot,” Trump said. “A true-blue American hero who has been unfairly charged. Everyone cheats on their taxes and defrauds banks. Big deal! Since when are those things crimes? But Paul took it like a man. He didn’t blab like some scared school girl and tell hushed secrets. That’s what sniveling cowards do, they sing like a canary. I have one word of advice, snitches get stitches. Remember that. Snitches get stitches.”

Trump took a deep inhale. “It will be my honor to bestow our country’s highest honor on Paul Manafort. He deserves it.” Trump got agitated.

“But what about Crooked Hillary and Obama? Why aren’t they locked up? And Mueller? And Chuck Todd? And Jeff Sessions? And Nancy Pelosi? And kneeling NFL players? And people who don’t cook KFC extra crispy even you tell them you want it cooked extra, extra crispy! And…”

The president railed on for twenty-two minutes.

#########################################

Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) is a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to be a full-time writer, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).

Thanks for reading.


Comments

Articles from Patrick Scullin

View blog
1 year ago · 4 min. reading time

The Big Boss wanted to hear why he shouldn’t be “King For All Time!!!” · This week’s January 6 Commi ...

1 year ago · 2 min. reading time

Treasonous criminals will be rewarded if Trump gets elected. · On January 6, 2021, thousands of irat ...

1 year ago · 2 min. reading time

Oz says he knows the state "Like the back of my surfboard." · Mehmet Oz, · the Republican candidate ...

You may be interested in these jobs

  • Air Force

    Catholic Priest

    Found in: Careerbuilder One Red US C2 - 1 day ago


    Air Force Arlington Heights, IL, United States

    Nothing tests religious beliefs more than many situations our Airmen face throughout the course of their service. Providing pastoral care ministry and counseling to those of faith and those of no fait ...

  • Youth Villages

    Inclusion and Diversity Specialist- Intern

    Found in: Jooble US O C2 - 5 hours ago


    Youth Villages Keene, NH, United States

    Youth Villages has been a national leader in the implementation of research-based treatment philosophies in the field of children's mental and behavioral health. · Our commitment to helping troubled c ...

  • Taco Bell / KFC - Creedmoor

    Taco Bell

    Found in: Talent US 2A C2 - 6 days ago


    Taco Bell / KFC - Creedmoor Creedmoor, United States Full time

    Shift ManagerTaco Bell is looking for people who love serving customers, have experience in the restaurant industry and want to be a part of a great restaurant company With us you can build a great ca ...