Patrick Scullin

5 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Kemp Learns COVID-19 "Can Be Pretty Nasty"; Shuts Down Georgia

Kemp Learns COVID-19 "Can Be Pretty Nasty"; Shuts Down Georgia

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Georgia’s Governor Brian Kemp knows how to steal elections, but he doesn’t know much about novel coronavirus COVID-19.

Kemp, who as Secretary of State oversaw his 2018 gubernatorial race against Stacey Abrams, suppressed tens of thousands of votes so he could win the election. Now that he’s in charge, he’s learning a lot about the global pandemic that is a national crisis.

Yesterday, the Republican governor confessed he had just learned asymptomatic individuals could spread coronavirus, even though Dr. Anthony Fauci has been talking about that since January.

Upon learning this “new development,” Kemp issued a statewide shelter-in-place yesterday.

At the governor’s press conference, he also disclosed some other exciting things he’s learned recently.

“There’s a place right here in Atlanta called The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and I guess they study things like viruses and try and figure out ways to help people medically. This CDC place could be a real game-changer for us.”

Kemp also shared some good news.

“Back in January, Senator Kelly Loeffler, who I appointed, game me some hot stock tips. Those have stocks been appreciating nicely. I appreciate the great job she’s doing in Washington.”

Georgia governor said he is ready to lead his state in this fight against COVID-19.

“I can’t think of anyone better prepared than my team and me,” the governor said. “In fact, we're going to do such a great job, I’m pretty confident I’ll be re-elected by 26.84%. I just have a lucky feeling about that.”

Kemp smiled, gave a thumbs-up sign, and winked.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).


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