Patrick Scullin

2 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

Patrick blog



Although President Trump denies he lost the election, Joe Biden may soon be evicting him from The White House. But Donald J Trump is going to use his powers in the death rattle of his presidency.

Today, his ravishing daughter Ivanka Trump and her slip of a husband Jared Kushner announced they are opening a new enterprise for the president: a pop-up store called The Trump Pardons Shoppe.

"We are going to correct the grave injustices the unfair legal system has inflicted on good people," Ivanka told The Lint Screen.

"It's like a superstore for freedom," Jared adds. "For a price."

Ivanka explained the business plan of the latest Trump enterprise.

"President Trump will offer complete pardons to people," she said. "It's like a fairy godmother granting your wish. Shazam! Daddy can make it happen! Your rap sheet will go away, and johnny law won't be able to touch you for those alleged crimes."

"These include pesky things like murder," Jared said, taking a deep breath. "And other crimes like antitrust violations, bankruptcy fraud, bribery, computer and internet fraud, counterfeiting, credit card fraud, economic espionage, trade secret theft, and..." Kushner collapses to the ground, hyperventilating.

Ivanka looks on in disgust and continues the list.

"Also embezzlement, environmental law violations, financial institution fraud, government fraud, healthcare fraud, insider trading, insurance fraud, intellectual property theft and piracy, kickbacks, mail fraud, money laundering, securities fraud, tax evasion, phone and telemarketing fraud, and public corruption... just to name a few."

The president bursts into the room.

"Did you tell him about the grift?" Donald J. Trump asks.

"Not 'grift,' Daddy," Ivanka says, blushing. "Personal services offered."

"Yeah, whatever," the president says, pacing. "If someone's in legal trouble, I'm their get out of jail free card. But it ain't free! Nothing's free."

Trump almost trips on his collapsed son-in-law.

"Get this idiot out of here," the president commands. "He drooled on the damn carpet, for Chrissakes."

Mark Meadows scurries into the office, flings Kushner's collapsed body over his shoulder, and scampers for the exit.

Asked what price is commanded for a full presidential pardon, Trump smiles.

"That depends," he says. "Depends on the person's loyalty, campaign contributions, obedience, and how much I think the hall pass is worth. If you've done a crime, I can disappear the time. Just call Ivanka, and she'll arrange a meet. Then, we can start negotiations to make a deal."

"And no matter what the cost," Ivanka says, "it's worth it. Only one man can give you freedom no matter what your crime."

"Who can put a price on freedom?" Trump asks. "This guy can," he answers, pointing his thumbs at himself.


Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.


Articles from Patrick Scullin

View blog
2 months ago · 2 min. reading time

Oz says he knows the state "Like the back of my surfboard." · Mehmet Oz, · the Republican candidate ...

4 months ago · 3 min. reading time

Trump’s butt plug speaks against counting all the votes cast in elections. · Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is ...

3 months ago · 3 min. reading time

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell explains the coming nirvana under Repubocracy. · Republicans ...

You may be interested in these jobs

  • Jobot

    Project Manager

    Found in: Jooble US - 1 week ago

    Jobot Decatur, GA

    Project Manager from a GC looking for a project manager with commercial construction experience This Jobot Job is hosted by: Brandon Henshaw · Are you a fit? Easy Apply now by clicking the "Apply Now" button and sending us your resume. · Salary: $80,000 - $120,000 per year A b ...

  • Loves Travel Stops & Country Store

    Restaurant Team Member Part Time

    Found in: Jooble US - 3 days ago

    Loves Travel Stops & Country Store Iowa, LA Part time

    Req ID: 405892 · Address: 1118 Lowe GroutLake Charles ,LA , 70647 · Welcome to Love's · Where People are the Heart of Our Success · Restaurant Team Members · At Love's, our values go beyond our name. We look for those same values in our people. Our network of travel stops are gro ...

  • Nuvance Health

    Medical Office RN

    Found in: Jooble US - 2 days ago

    Nuvance Health Danbury, CT

    $5,000 Sign on Bonus for full-time external candidates, pro-rated for part-time · Seeking a Medical Office RN to work in Digestive Health Institute (Danbury, Connecticut) · Come join us on our exciting journey as we grow the Digestive Health Institute at Nuvance Health by joining ...