IVANKA SAYS FAUCI “TRYING TO MAKE MY FATHER LOOK INCOMPETENT”

Ivanka Trump has always been a daddy’s girl. Whether it’s showing her father the latest styles in flimsy lingerie, string bikinis, or rubbing his back and cooing like a sexy kitten, this blonde bombshell has been supportive of her ‘Pops.’ Now she’s unloading both barrels on Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

“Fauci is a fraud,” the first daughter told The Lint Screen. “Instead of trying to help the president help Americans, Fauci is sabotaging everything and trying to make my father look incompetent.”

The ravishing vixen details the many betrayals Fauci has perpetrated.

“When Daddy first got into office, Fauci told him to get rid of the pandemic preparedness group,” she said. “Pops wanted to keep the group–– and even wanted to give it more resources, but Fauci said it was a waste of money. ‘Pandemics are very rare, Mr. President,’ he told him. So, my father did what Fauci said and eliminated all the people and plans put in place for pandemics.”

The foxy lady puts on a fresh coat of lip gloss, puckers, and continues.

“Then the coronavirus came and Fauci told Dad there was no need for masks. He said there’s only a couple of cases in the U.S. and it’s not going to be a big deal,” Ivanka shakes her head. “Fauci also told Daddy, ‘Don’t wear a mask, they’re very uncomfortable and look stupid.'”

A White House aide turns on a fan, and the breathtaking beauty allows her luxurious blonde mane to blow seductively as she vogues for a fashion photographer who has entered the room. After a 55-minute photoshoot, the prez’s little girl continues talking trash about Dr. Fauci.

“When the pandemic started spreading like wildfire, Daddy wanted to start a massive national testing program. But Fauci told him to stop being such a worrywart. ‘COVID-19 is a flash in the pan,’ he told the president. I think my father wishes he didn’t follow Fauci’s bad advice.”

Ivanka’s husband Jared Kushner enters the room. She shoots him an icy glare. He scurries away yelping like a Chihuahua on hot coals.

“The most disgusting thing is Fauci’s backstabbing,” the ravishing hottie says as she brushes her coiffure with a gold-plated Mason Pearson hairbrush. “Dad was concerned. He wanted to save American lives, so he went to his laboratory and developed Hydroxychloroquine to kill the coronavirus. It was an amazing drug, one hundred percent effective in treating COVID-19. And Dr. Fauci poo-pooed it. He said it didn’t work. I swear that guy doesn’t want Daddy to get any credit.”

Ivanka goes behind a wardrobe screen as she continues talking.

“Fauci is the real villain here,” she said. “He says Daddy opened up too soon, and he doesn’t want kids to go to school and get educated. I swear that little doctor doesn’t love America and hates seeing Daddy make it great again. And that’s just not right. Fauci is to blame for everything. The president is our real hero, and we should all be thankful for his amazing leadership.”

Ivanka Trump walks from behind the wardrobe screen dressed in a mini-cut Catholic schoolgirl uniform with a push-up bra and tight white blouse. She struts in her four-inch stilettos and announces, “Sorry, but this interview’s over. I have to go model this outfit for Daddy. Fashion shows are a traditional father-daughter activity for us. He loves it when I sit in his lap at the end of my show.”

She exits, leaving a fog of Clive Christian No. 1 Imperial Majesty Perfume in her wake.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).