It's Time To Change the Way Marriage Works
It all started with a humorous Facebook post I made recently about my fear of marriage. I was taking my usual Saturday walk-about in Manhattan when I turned the corner on 42nd street, near Grand Central Terminal, and I came across a wedding photography shoot. I snapped selfies with the wedding parties.
This post initiated a significant discussion about whether marriage is a failing institution or not. In addition to the 75+ comments on the post, I received numerous private messages furthering the conversation.
So I decided to do a little more research.
The U.S. wedding industry is a $72 billion dollar industry according to an IBISWorld research report. The national average cost of a wedding, according to The Knot, is $35K across all demographics. We all know, in major metropolitan areas, you can spend $35K on just the banquet hall.
The average marriage lasts about 8 years, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. We also see from this census that the divorce rate for first marriages is almost 50%, over 60% for second marriages, and a whopping 74% for third marriages. Not very good odds at all.
Since most marriages are ending in divorce, that means a contribution will likely be made to the $50 billion dollar a year divorce industry. And according to wevorce, the average divorce costs $100,000.
This begs the question: Is marriage a failed and money draining institution? My answer is that the way we engage (pun intended) in marriage now, it is a failure. But I have a unique fix to this problem that I gave for the first time publicly in my LIVE Sunday Night Show.
And the fix is simple: Marriage should have a 2-year expiration date with an automatic renewal, if both parties agree to continue, within 60 days of the end of the 2 years. And the marriage contract should be required to explicitly spell out in simple terms how all the assets and custody issues will be divided at the end of the 2 years. If you can’t agree on how things should be divided when you are getting married, then you shouldn't get married.
This fix addresses the fundamental issue with marriage: it is a lifetime contract that requires no performance. Imagine you hire someone to work for you and you tell them they are hired forever, will get paid forever and they don’t have to do anything, if they don’t want to (no government worker jokes please). How do you think that employee will perform in 10 years from now, even if they took the job with the best of intentions?
Making marriage a 2-year renewable deal will ensure that no one gets stuck in a bad place and will make both parties know that they must perform - be good spouses or the arrangement will end. And 2 years is enough time to see your spouse go through all the life-cycle events. And it’s not so long that you have wasted much of your life with the wrong person.
My marriage fix will virtually wipe-away the entire divorce industry, will eliminate much of the pain and suffering that happens with bad and failing marriages, will improve the performance of people within marriages, and will get more people to be willing to make the marriage commitment to each other.
So, let’s fix the awful life sentence that marriage can become and say, “I do” to a more sensible and likely successful, 2-year deal.
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Want a BIG LIFE Hack? The Join my interactive (you can ask questions) LIVE SHOW every Sunday Night at 8pm ET on Relationships, Parenting, Divorce, Dating, Happiness and Health. You can watch LIVE on my Facebook page, catch the replay there, or the day after on my Youtube.
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Comments
Matt Sweetwood
5 years ago #30
Timothy, I am sorry to see you in so much pain and to see you so angry. As a minister you know that calling someone a name and trying to shame them in public is not proper. If all people follow God's will marriage would be great. But the fact is many people don;t and have, for their own personal gain, and at the incredible expense of others, used marriage in way that causes destruction. My article attempted to bring the discussion to the forefront, get people to think and react - which it did.
Matt Sweetwood
5 years ago #29
Well put. Thank you for your comment.
Matt Sweetwood
5 years ago #28
Exactly!
Matt Sweetwood
5 years ago #27
You ruined your religious argument for lifetime marriage with a personal attack. Which, predictably, you deliver from the safety of your own home. The purpose of my article is to start a much needed discussion - as you point out.
Lada 🏡 Prkic
5 years ago #26
Paul Walters
5 years ago #25
ouch !!! Timothy welch's post albeit tongue in cheek
Matt Sweetwood
6 years ago #24
Not surprising since I took a shot at marriage :D
Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸
6 years ago #23
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #22
ha, I can't imagine, considering how hot our tempers were back then. Our communication technique(s) have changed tremendously over time. We just ignore each other now and it works out great. I kid, but I must say, we have learned a lot and still have a lot to learn!
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #21
We had a rocky start because we were so young when we met. My husband was 15, I was 16. We married at age 21. Our first child was born when I was 22, almost 23 years old. Life was not easy and there were times I felt like walking away. I'm so glad I rode out the waves (and believe me, I'm not saying that's possible for everyone) but we are closer now than I would have ever imagined 20 years ago. I think in our case, hard times made both of us appreciate simpler times and much more. Is our life perfect, no... far from it but it's beautiful in ways that are hard to describe.
David Navarro López
6 years ago #20
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
6 years ago #19
is this for real or are you joking ?
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
6 years ago #18
Gerald HechtGeral 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Irene 🐝 Rodriesco
6 years ago #17
«but perhaps a provision should be considered for the parents to remain married until the kids reach a certain age of maturity. I believe that adversarial divorces -- which comprise the majority -- can have a devastating impact on children and teens which can leave permanent scars». Really? Included when there are indications of gender violence? I do not agree, because then waiting for the maturity of those sons and daughters the scars would be even more devastating. Thus creating possible abusers.
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #16
LOL, Best line (not line.. real story) I read today Ian Weinberg!!! :))
Ian Weinberg
6 years ago #15
John Prpich
6 years ago #14
Mohammed Abdul Jawad
6 years ago #13
Katyan Roach
6 years ago #12
Thanks for the positive spin Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher..lol)
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6 years ago #11
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6 years ago #9
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #8
stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador
6 years ago #7
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6 years ago #6
David B. Grinberg
6 years ago #5
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6 years ago #4
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6 years ago #3
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6 years ago #2
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6 years ago #1