I Don't Believe in Coincidence
Celebrating my brother's birthday in Denver, my sister and I were with him on a pub crawl with about 50 of his closest friends. To say we were having a good time would be an understatement.A few bars into the crawl (and I DO mean crawl), my brother pulled me over to introduce me to a friend. They met when working for the same company a few years before and worked together on a few projects in those four years or so. My brother's friend told me his name; I asked him to repeat it, it was sort of unusual.
He said it again and I laughed:
"That's funny! My first boyfriend, in fifth grade, had that last name and I've never heard it since! Did you grow up here in Denver."
"No," he told me, "I grew up in LA."
"Really?" I went to elementary school in LA. Figuring I'd just put it out there, I told him my 5th grade boyfriend's name.
"Oh. That's my little brother."
I was incredulous. Through a series of questions I confirmed that yes, it was his little brother and we all went to the same elementary school. When I got back home to Montana, I went straight to my big "memory box" and pulled out the note his brother had given me decades before. It was on a small piece of paper, about 2 inches tall and 3 inches wide; it said "will you kiss me? Love Bryan." I took a picture of it and posted it to Facebook with a short description of my Denver small-world experience.
The story is pretty weird to begin with; what's more surprising is that my brother and his friend didn't know they had gone to the same elementary school. I was puzzled about that; why was it that the connection hadn't been made in the previous four years of their friendship? It occurred to me that many people don't talk about that kind of subject, so they never find out how connected they really are.
I have lots of great "small world" stories; is it because I'm more connected than most? I don't think so. I think it's because I ask a lot of questions when I meet people. I love people and I enjoy hearing about who they really are, beyond the image they present. Those questions sometimes begin with: "I can tell you're creative, what's your art? What's your medium?"
Rarely will you hear me ask in casual conversation what a person does. I'd much rather know what makes them tick, which is rarely the same thing.
Here's a challenge for you:
The next time you meet someone new, don't ask what she does (for a living). Ask her what she does for fun first. Ask her what makes her laugh, or her favorite style of music or current favorite song.
Connect for real, connect with intention, create a new story.
Articles from Sarah Elkins
View blogNo Longer Virtual = True Engagement of Your Valuable Network · It all started with a call from Karth ...
Love is easy. Like is complicated at best, impossible at worst. · We all have an aunt, uncle or cous ...
What do Jews think about Jesus?He asked me as innocently as a college freshman at a small, Jesuit sc ...
Related professionals
You may be interested in these jobs
-
truck drive
Found in: One Red Cent US C2 - 1 week ago
Transport Enterprise Leasing Bloomington, United StatesSeating TEAMS Immediately. Get the Industry's Best Lease Terms and a Factory Warranty with TEL Lease Purchase · THE PROBLEM TRUCK DRIVERS FACE – Most lease purchase programs have poor quality equipment or unfavorable terms. · Drivers need a lease program that sets them up for s ...
-
Director of Public
Found in: beBee S2 US - 4 weeks ago
CEMEX Houston, United StatesCompany Overview · Founded in 1906, over the last 110+ years' CEMEX has grown into a global building materials company that provides high quality products and reliable service to customers and communities throughout the Americas, Europe, Africa, the Middle East, and Asia. Here at ...
-
Director
Found in: Talent US C2 - 6 days ago
Primrose Schools ® Houston, United States Full timeBuild a brighter future for all children. As Child Care Director of Primrose School at Summerwood, your dedication to the success of our next generation will ensure we deliver on our mission of bringing the best and most trusted early childhood education and care to the families ...
Comments
Preston 🐝 Vander Ven
2 years ago #18
I like your challenge. This can apply in many areas of life, even sales. Ask their passions.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #17
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #16
No wonder we're so connected, Aaron Skogen. Though I consider myself more of an ambivert, so it's not as much of a stretch for me, I love to connect with people in similar ways. I'm great with faces, and usually even with names, but sometimes I find myself totally oblivious about a person who says hello as if I should know them. Now I have a better way to address it, thanks! (Looking up the song to listen right now.)
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #15
Love it, Paul \! And if your paths had crossed earlier, it's possible you two wouldn't have worked out because you weren't ready yet. Not that we can really know these things, but I can tell you that if I had met my husband even two years before we did, it's really unlikely we would have ended up together. Here we are, over 20 years later. I'll bet I'd really like your wife.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #14
Thanks for that wisdom, Jan Barbosa. I completely agree -- there is a lot out there that simply cannot be explained.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #13
I get that completely, Brian, and it almost doesn't matter how big the place where you grew up. I think any time we spend more than five years in one location, we're likely to have people pigeon-hole us into some specific role, and it's really hard to get people to think of you in a different way, no matter how you demonstrate changes. When people who know our younger son meet me for the first time, often I'll get this comment: "Oh YOU'RE Max's mom? I have the funniest Max story!" It's good now; I'm guessing he'll tire of that in the near future.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #12
That's a great example, Franci Eugenia Hoffman! What are the chances? Slim to none... unless you believe in synchronicity. Thanks for that great addition to the thread!
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #11
So funny, Dean Owen, and again, not a coincidence. I tell people that I walk a fine line in my feelings about fate vs. free will. I think most of what I'll call synchronicity is simply recognition of connections and opportunities that fall in front of us. I'll bet you have a lot more of this kind of story, given your propensity for travel -- and asking questions. I just remembered your story about the people you traveled with who knew your father, talk about synchronicity. That interaction sparked your post, which most likely opened important discussions and insights for many of your readers, right? Thanks for the comment.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #10
Of course you're writing about synchronicity. Not surprised at all, Sara Jacobovici. I'm really enjoying the comments here and I'll look forward to your piece in the near future.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #9
Lisa Gallagher, that's actually pretty funny. I tried the Mom's Club thing when I moved to Montana. It wasn't quite so obvious, but I had pretty similar experiences. It's sad to hear about the loss of your poetry, though there's obviously nothing to do to recover it after all these years. I can imagine how devastated you were, and why you'd be so discouraged about writing after that. I agree that it can be great comfort and a form of therapy to write, regardless of what you do with those words afterward. Thanks for reading and for the lovely comment.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #8
I hope you do take this challenge; I hope many people do. As Lisa Gallagher said, I treasure friendship, and there's no real connection when you start with such a shallow question.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #7
One of these days, Chas Wyatt, I'll hear those stories over a snack or beer, right?
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #6
Thanks, David Grinberg, for the great comment. These "chance" encounters don't seem so unlikely when comparing our tiny planet with the rest of the universe and beyond, right? Still, walking into a bar in Australia in the first week of a 4 month trip to run into people whose party you went to in Boulder, Colorado two weeks before the trip seems pretty unlikely. Yes, I have a lot of those stories!
Sara Jacobovici
7 years ago #5
David B. Grinberg
7 years ago #4
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #3
You just did, Max Carter.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #2
Good call on language choice, Max Carter! Let me know what happens the first few times you try this strategy, ok?
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #1
Thanks, Charles David Upchurch, as always.