I Don't Believe in Coincidence

A few bars into the crawl (and I DO mean crawl), my brother pulled me over to introduce me to a friend. They met when working for the same company a few years before and worked together on a few projects in those four years or so. My brother's friend told me his name; I asked him to repeat it, it was sort of unusual.

He said it again and I laughed:

"That's funny! My first boyfriend, in fifth grade, had that last name and I've never heard it since! Did you grow up here in Denver."

"No," he told me, "I grew up in LA."

"Really?" I went to elementary school in LA. Figuring I'd just put it out there, I told him my 5th grade boyfriend's name.

"Oh. That's my little brother."

I was incredulous. Through a series of questions I confirmed that yes, it was his little brother and we all went to the same elementary school. When I got back home to Montana, I went straight to my big "memory box" and pulled out the note his brother had given me decades before. It was on a small piece of paper, about 2 inches tall and 3 inches wide; it said "will you kiss me? Love Bryan." I took a picture of it and posted it to Facebook with a short description of my Denver small-world experience.

The story is pretty weird to begin with; what's more surprising is that my brother and his friend didn't know they had gone to the same elementary school. I was puzzled about that; why was it that the connection hadn't been made in the previous four years of their friendship? It occurred to me that many people don't talk about that kind of subject, so they never find out how connected they really are.

I have lots of great "small world" stories; is it because I'm more connected than most? I don't think so. I think it's because I ask a lot of questions when I meet people. I love people and I enjoy hearing about who they really are, beyond the image they present. Those questions sometimes begin with: "I can tell you're creative, what's your art? What's your medium?"

Rarely will you hear me ask in casual conversation what a person does. I'd much rather know what makes them tick, which is rarely the same thing.

Here's a challenge for you:

The next time you meet someone new, don't ask what she does (for a living). Ask her what she does for fun first. Ask her what makes her laugh, or her favorite style of music or current favorite song.

Connect for real, connect with intention, create a new story.