HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE ALSO EFFECTIVE FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION PREZ SAYS

For weeks, President Donal Trump has been pushing Hydroxychloroquine as an effective drug in the treatment of the COVID-19 coronavirus, to the ashamed eye rolls of Dr. Anthony Fauci, one of those smartypants who believe in “science.”

But like a petulant two-year-old, the president will not be ignored.

He’s mentioned the drug during recent daily press briefings with the catchy slogan, “What do you have to lose?”

But today he shifted his sales strategy to THE TRUMP HARD SELL!!!

“Look, I’m not a doctor, okay?” the huckster in a Chinese-made silk tie said. “But I do have good common sense.” The president began making his Tourette’s Syndrome-like hand gestures. “And I have to tell you, this Hydroxychloroquine is amazing. An incredible drug. Remarkable. Hydro… chlor…o…quine. Funny name. But a great drug. Great drug.”

The president fixes his eyes on his rubes in the audience.

“If you have coronavirus, take Hydroxychloroquine. It’s also good for malaria. Works like gangbusters for rheumatoid arthritis, and lupe-rust. Very nasty disease, lupe-rust. Don’t want a rusted lupe. But that’s not all folks!”

Trump leans forward. He cautiously looks side to side, then confides to his shills in a stage whisper.

“It’s also good for erectile dysfunction.” He raises his eyebrows and leans forward to his stooges.

“Can’t get lead in your pencil? Does your flag only go to half-mast? Can’t charm the ol’ snake? Take Hydroxychloroquine, folks. It’s incredible stuff. Like instant wood. Take it from a guy who knows. You’ll love it. I guarantee it. And you know you can trust me, I’m the president of the country! I would never lie.”

Trump smiles a mouthful of dentures and winks from the slits carved into his pumpkin face.

“Get some Hydroxychloroquine today. The stuff is a wonder drug–– is there anything it can’t do? I don’t think so. I really don’t think so.”

Dr. Fauci began vomiting in the corner of the stage as Mike Pence did his human mannequin.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).