Matt Sweetwood

7 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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How Male Bonding Builds Better Business

How Male Bonding Builds Better Business

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Published on The Good Men Project 8/20/16


One meeting I had last week had a surprisingly different flow.

My company is called beBee.com. It is an 18-month old professional social network (think LinkedIn on steroids), and is looking for more investors to help fund the growth of our network – well beyond the 11 million worldwide users we currently have. As a result, I have had a full schedule of high pressure power business meetings. Those who have participated in these kinds of meetings know how they typically go. You meet in some nondescript conference room, shake hands, greet each other, small talk for 30 seconds and get to the business at hand. When the business is done you shake hands and head off on your merry way.


Here is how this particular meeting went:

I was greeted by my broker (who I have known for only a week) and then by one of the gentleman from the investment firm I was meeting with. He asked me to sit in the kitchen area and chat before everyone else arrived. I was very prepared for the meeting with all my numbers and reasoning in good order. To my surprise, he started the conversation with me by asking nothing about beBee. He asked me how I was doing and to tell him why I am personally involved in this project. I was a little thrown off, but we ended up having a pleasant 10 minute conversation and learned a bit about each other – not financially, but as men.

We bonded a little over both being divorced.
When we all gathered in the conference room, we again did not begin with a business discussion. The same gentleman who had asked me about me previously, began the meeting by saying:

“Gentleman, if we were women and we were having this meeting, we might begin by turning to one another and asking how each other was doing and show concern for each other’s personal side. There is nothing wrong with male bonding and in fact, we have to start sending a message that it’s ok for men to show their emotional beings. So why don’t we all share something about ourselves here?”

It felt a little awkward in that business setting but I explained that I was a single-dad who raised his kids on his own since their mother walked out on us 20 years ago. And I write for The Good Men Project. which is all about the changing roles and view of men in society – “A glimpse of what enlightened masculinity might look like.” Everyone took turns sharing about themselves. The whole dynamic in the room changed. It was one of those moments you will remember long after the business part is forgotten.

There we were, five men, including an African American, a Latin American, and a Jew – all coming together and gaining an appreciation for each other. We didn’t have a trivial discussion about the Yankees game. We actually spoke about meaningful things in our lives. As a result, the meeting had a completely different feel than most and I do believe we actually had a better understanding of the business we could do together – all because we created a bond than men don’t usually do in business meetings.

Whether we end up doing business with this particular investment firm is still undecided, but I personally got something way more valuable from this meeting. It was an acknowledgement that it’s ok to bond with other dudes in business, just like women do, and it actually creates a better business environment.

From now on, when I hold business meetings (even if there are only men in the room), I am going to insist we begin by sharing something personal or interesting about ourselves. It really does build better business – and I will admit it, it feels good.



***** Follow Matt on Twitter @MSweetwood or his website MSweetwood.com for more great articles and advice.



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Comments

Robert Cormack

7 years ago #12

I've seen this work in a similar environment, Matt. It's called a bar, and we don't care a smidge about race, creed, color or political affiliations. We share our lives, our concerns, our hopes and fears, all of which has a freeing effect, consummated by each arguing over who should pick up the bill. Just kidding. It's been so long since I've been in a bar, but I'd like to think we built the path for bonding in the boardroom. Men do get it, even if women think we're trogs.

Jim Murray

7 years ago #11

Interesting insight. Matt Sweetwood. In my advertising agency career I was in a lot of meeting like the one you described (a while ago now) and things never went like that. You tended to find out of about what people were like by their interests, sports, boating, shooting, golf etc. People seldom got personal and in hindsight, I think a lot of those meeting might have gone better, or at least more comfortably, if they had been like the one you just described. It's funny though because whenever I met with a creative director in a job interview situation, the conversation was almost 100% personal. Guess creative people are just nosier.

Mamen 🐝 Delgado

7 years ago #10

Love that gentleman from the investment firm!! He is a beBee Bee, and probably by now he already knows it... ;) Great experience Matt Sweetwood, thanks so much for sharing it, so you are not the only one who has learned how to hold your next business meeting. Wish you the best!!! And kudos to you about your family story. All my love!

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #9

Exemplary advice as usual, Matt Sweetwood. Why am I not surprised. Good luck with everything in the Big Apple. I'll let you know when I visit NY.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #8

Excellent article Matt Sweetwood. Thanks for tagging me. You wrote, "Everyone took turns sharing about themselves. The whole dynamic in the room changed. It was one of those moments you will remember long after the business part is forgotten." Helps to break the ice and really get to know others on another level.

mohammed khalaf

7 years ago #7

All savvy employers should know by now that providing equal opportunities to people simply makes good business sense in the 21st century economy. However, it appears that some CEOs and executive leaders haven't gotten the message.
🐝🐝🐝🐝 bzzzzzzzz
#8
LOL my first flight to Canada is going to be to meet Pablo. After some drink let's talk about hives hahaha
Sharing something personal or interesting or any passion really does build better business. That is beBee.

John White, MBA

7 years ago #3

Be Professional Be Personal Be Successful. Love the post Matt Sweetwood

Laurent Boscherini

7 years ago #2

Thank you Matt Sweetwood for sharing your relevant post, so well expressed about the need of sense in all kind of business, always starting by human interactions at its first level of listening, out of ego. Brilliant !

Matt Sweetwood

7 years ago #1

John White, MBA

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