Grilling Judge Neil Gorsuch

The editorial board of The Lint Screen has compiled a list of probing questions for Supreme Court Justice nominee Judge Neil Gorsuch and submitted it to the grand inquisitors in Washington.

Let’s see if the puppet politicians have enough backbone to ask the important questions that matter to all Americans!

1. “Gorsuch” — that’s an awfully funny name. Are you related to Al Gore?

2. Bob Marley confessed that he shot the sheriff, but claimed he did not shoot the deputy. Do you believe he was telling the truth?

3. What color are your eyes? And, no look-sees in mirrors, please.

4. Was Diana Ross technically a Supreme, or, in your opinion, was she an entity separate and above The Supremes? Follow up question — do you honestly believe one cannot hurry love?

5. I’m thinking of a common kitchen appliance, what is it?

6. If two trains leave Chicago, one going east at forty miles an hour and the other going south at the speed of light, do you know where I put my dry cleaner claim ticket from Monday?

7. Do you look good in black? How might you accessorize your robe?

8. Do you think it’s Constitutionally right that contestants on Jeopardy must answer in the form of a question?

9. How will you avoid being too judgemental in your job?

And, scene!

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising (ASO).

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen(satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).