FLORIDA DEMS DISCLOSE THEIR SECRET TO WINNING ELECTIONS

Our nation is decidedly behind glorious leader Donald J. Trump and his agenda for making America great again. The red wave in the midterm elections proves it!

Yet, the cheating Democrats won’t surrender.

Using the same tactics the looney liberals deployed in cheating President Trump of the popular vote in 2016, the sly Dems used voter disguises to cast repeated votes for socialists hellbent on bringing our nation to its knees.

“We had to cheat,” Larry Turboten, a Democratic Party strategist in Florida told The Lint Screen. “If the elections were fair, the GOP candidates would win 98–99% of the popular vote. People love Trump and his crew of enabling toadies. I suspect they’d walk over red-hot coals to vote for the GOP. Democrats know that, so we do whatever it takes to win.”

Turboten chortled menacingly, lit a marijuana cigarette, then an Amerian flag, and kicked cute helpless infants across the room. “We used illegal immigrant voters. Millions of them, just like we did when Hillary ran. Once the illegals cast their votes, they’d run outside and change their shirts, put on a hat, a disguise, whatever — and they’d keep coming back again and again and vote the Dem ticket. Of course, pollsters couldn’t keep up with our deviousness. We hoodwinked the entire electoral system by being conniving cheaters. Hey, that’s what Democrats do best!”

Turboten then began ripping pages out of the Bible and fed them into a paper shredder while he prayed to Allah.

Shame, shame, shame!

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).