FAUCI “READY TO RIP THAT ORANGE CLOWN’S FACE OFF”

Dr. Anthony Fauci appears to be a mild-mannered world-renowned immunologist, but don’t be fooled.

Beneath that petite exterior is a raging maniac with a lightning-quick temper and a bottomless reservoir of rage. The good doctor spoke with The Lint Screen about his feeling for President Trump.

“The guy is a grade-A horse’s ass,” Fauci said, as he bench pressed 420-pounds. “I’d say Trump’s a moron, but that’s an insult to morons. I’ve never met a man so brain-dead. His empty head is where information goes to die. He has a cheat sheet to remember his name. Trump’s an embarrassment to this country. Hell, to humanity.”

Fauci has been warning the public for months about the importance of wearing masks and social distancing in preventing COVID-19.

“What could be simpler?” the medic asks rhetorically as he deadlifts a 500-pound barbell. “But Trump goes around the country and crams his fans together, most of them mask-less. It’s like a death cult. Why’s Trump do it? Because the narcissistic egomaniac needs endless praise. Can you imagine the mental abuse his father must have done to damage that poor bastard’s psyche so badly? He’s pathetic.”

For his part, Trump is tired of “science” and “idiots” like Fauci.

“People are sick and tired of COVID,” the prez sez to his adoring masses crammed against one another. “I got COVID. I never felt better. I think the virus is great. Makes you stronger. Everyone needs to get COVID. And they will, thanks to me. Sure, old, weak people will die, but who needs them? All they do is take Medicare. They’re on their way to dirt naps anyway. Good riddance.”

Fauci grunts as he works the heavy bag with his bare fists. The bookworm breaks the canvas cover, and sand streams out. Fauci picks up a jump rope and skips 1,000 revolutions-per-minute.

“I’ve had enough of Trump,” the little powerhouse says. “I’m fed up with that two-bit con man grifter. All he does is lie, and people are going to die. For the good of the country, I’m ready to rip that orange clown’s face off. I’ll stomp on his fake wig and shove it up his ass.”

Bernie Schmidt, Fauci’s fight manager, aims his rifle and fires, tagging the doctor with an animal tranquilizer. Fauci slows down his rope skipping and collapses to the floor.

“The boss gets pretty worked up,” Schmidt says. “I gotta get him cooled down. If I were Trump, I’d watch my back. T always gets his revenge.”

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