ELDER CLAIMS GOVERNOR ELECTION STOLEN BEFORE RESULTS ARE ANNOUNCED

Those damn Democrats are at it again!

First, they cheated disgraced twice-impeached ex-president Donald J. Trump out of his re-election to a second term, and now, they are cheating conservative talk show host Larry Elder out of his election to the California Governorship.

“Gavin Newsom is a big fat cheater,” Elder told The Lint Screen. “I suspect there will be boatloads of fake ballots from China unloaded and counted in this recall election. Newsom is doing all sorts of stuff to stack the vote in his favor. I am going to call in the Cyber Ninjas to investigate. They are the warriors of truth!”

Even though there are over 40 candidates running in the election of California Governor, should Newsom be recalled, Elder says, he is undoubtedly the front runner.

“If this were a fair election, I would win hands down,” Elder says. “I checked with President Trump, and he says I would have won easily, just like he won in a landslide back in November. But Biden cheated him, and now Newsom is cheating me. The president assured me I won in a landslide, just like he did. We’re both big winners, but we’re getting cheated! I’m telling you, the Republican Party can’t get any breaks with elections. We always win! Everyone knows that!”

Elder says he plans to fight the election results tooth and nail.

“I don’t care what the election results say,” Elder says. “I am moving into the governor’s mansion in Sacramento and will be ruling over California. And I’m going to enact an abortion law like in Texas because that’s what my citizens want! Women want men to control their bodies and make decisions for them. I know this, and I will be the greatest governor in California history!”

Good luck with that, Mr. Elder.

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