CREEPY NUNES WILL HELP TRUMP CREATE AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

No one would ever accuse California Rep. Devin Nunes of having integrity or honor. So naturally, disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump has picked the notorious weasel to head up his new social media network.

“I couldn’t be happier,” weaselly Nunes told The Lint Screen. “I can’t wait to help Donald Trump create a firestorm of dangerous misinformation and disinformation. We’re going to be working with China and Russia to take down America.” The slime ball smiles. “I’ve done everything I can in Congress to destroy democracy, and now I can do it from the big stage.”

Trump, who has claimed he won the 2020 presidential election in a landslide, has been bellyaching and bitching ever since getting smoked by Joe Biden.

“The boss says he won, so he won,” Nunes says. “And it’s my job to help him create a social media network where he can air white grievances and victimhood and scare the hell out of people with lies. Our objective is simple. We want to destroy democracy and get voting rights out of the hands of all ‘the others.’ We must do whatever it takes to place our Chosen One into his throne for life.”

Once Trump has his propaganda megaphone, Nunes believes he can create the anger and hatred necessary for a MAGA revolution.

“Our people have the guns,” Nunes says, repeating his master. “And what happened on January 6 was nothing compared to what we have planned. We will feed our followers whatever bullshit we have to so they’ll revolt and put the boss in charge of everything. We need a dictator like Trump. There is too much freedom in America, and that’s a big problem. Donald Trump is our god, and we shall worship him.”

Financial regulators are looking into the filing to place Trump Media & Technology Group on the stock exchange.

“Those government idiots won’t find anything,” Nunes says. “This social media grift is bulletproof.” The slug of a human smiles. “The only thing saving democracy from the coming Trump takeover is a thin blue line–– and that’s the Democrats. So I like our odds.” 

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