Phil Friedman

6 years ago · 6 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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Conversation Isn't Just Politely Waiting Your Turn to Speak

Conversation Isn't Just Politely Waiting Your Turn to Speak

LEARN TO ENGAGE
WITH CONFIDENCE

To schedule an appointment for a free 1/2-hour consult email:   info@learn2engage.org


Text Copyright © 2016 by Phil Friedman — All Rights Reserved
 Images Credits:  the Author, Stuart Miles @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net, and Google Images


Conversation Isn't Just Politely Waiting Your Turn to SpeakLEARN TO ENGAGE
WITH CONFIDENCE


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Lada 🏡 Prkic

5 years ago #36

#47
Phil, I'm not sure the reason is maturing but maybe the fact that a few argumentative, and aggressive to some extent, individuals left beBee.

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #35

#49
Yep, Wayne Yoshida, as you and I have discussed a couple of time, it's the difference between talking WITH one another and talking AT each other. Cheers!

Wayne Yoshida

5 years ago #34

I like that phrase about "intellectual equivalent of Muzak" Thanks Phil Friedman for sharing this so it popped into my feed. As I have said -- all platforms depend on the users -- actually -- contributors of content for us to read, comment and share. And to agree or disagree.

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #33

#46
Oh yeah, Jim? When did you ever wait politely just to speak gently? But truth be told, it's that curmudgeonly edge that makes you so endearing. :-)

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #32

#45
Thank you, Lada, for saying so, and for re-sharing this older post. I believe that beBee may be maturing, in that we are seeing a wider acceptance of the principles outlined here. Cheers!

Jim Murray

5 years ago #31

Just noticed that I never commented on this. Maybe I've gotten to used to waiting to speak that I just didn't know what to do :)

Lada 🏡 Prkic

5 years ago #30

"Without examination, questioning and, yes, disagreement, there can be no genuine engagement. For what is engagement other than two or more minds coming together to share, explore, and exchange thoughts and ideas?" I'll repeat what I said in my previous comment, more than a year ago. A healthy criticism supported by valid arguments is always welcome.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #29

#42
@Mark Anthony - I am saying something similar -- although not in regard to "writing", but rather in regard to intellectual exchange and conversation, which are not the same thing. Not to nit pick or put to fine a point on it, a lot of people on social media write and publish, but what I have learned is that a miniscule percentage of those are actually interested in conversation. Thanks again for reading and commenting.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #28

#40
Believe me, Dale Masters, I will never call you "sir". Don't feel bad about the hair though, it sounds like your describing my personal balding pattern. But let me tell you a story. I knew I was getting old(er) when my duck-and-dodge line stopped working hen the Girl Scouts came door to door soliciting for their fund raising campaigns. The line I used, until it stopped working was "No, sorry girls, but my Mommy's not here right now.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #27

#34
Gerald, it appears that if comments are too long, they go off into cyberspace, never to be seen again.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #26

#31
Thanks, Gerald Hecht, for reading and commenting, and for the kind words. I someties wonder if the trolls on social media aren't less of a problem than those who want to impose an ehtos of mutual back patting and stroking, to the exclusion of any form of free expression of dissent. Cheers!'

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #25

#30
Thank you Kevin Pashuk, for reading and commenting. I agree. Cheers!

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #24

If we all agree with each other all the time, I would not hang around any platform for very long. I do like the way that beBee members don't forget to be respectful, even when they disagree. Thanks for pointing out this post Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #23

#27
Thank you, @Emilia Ludovino, for reading, and for the kind words. They make the effort of writing worthwhile. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #22

#26
Well, Franci Eugenia Hoffman, some have called me a "Wood Bee". Cheers!

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman

6 years ago #21

Phil Friedman intimidating!? Nah, he's a good bee.

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #20

#18
This is not intimidation dear Lada...Fragile personalities tend not to swim in the shark tank of the internet;-) This is learning...The great Professor Phil Friedman is a master at getting minds humming...Or in this case, buzzing!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #19

@Chas Wyatt - True, perhaps, although under thinking a response has always struck me as a tactic to give the impression of engagement, without the substance of it. Thank you for reading and commenting, whether overthought or underthought. Cheers! #23

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #18

#19
thank you, Javier C\u00e1mara Rica's stuff. His stinger is always sharp! Cheers.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #17

I am with you, Lada Prkic, CEng. I am not intimidating as I have 3 vowels in my sir name. Those like you with less than 2 vowels are truly intimidating. A fellow undergrad student of mine was a Polish logician named Krc -- and he was reeeally intimidating. But then again, he wrote Propositional Calculus in reverse notation. :-) thank you for reading and commenting. Cheers! #18

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #16

Thank you, @Mohammed A. Jawad, for reading and commenting. you are correct that social media nonsense is nonsense, and shall never be understood. #17

Javier 🐝 CR

6 years ago #15

#18
maybe because Phil Friedman looks like a tough guy :) .... I am joking ....Phil thanks a lot ! we consider you an essential and irreplaceable bee !!!

Lada 🏡 Prkic

6 years ago #14

Phil Friedman, I really don't know why people are intimidated by you.😊 Maybe the reason is that I do not have fragile personality and sensitive feelings, as you said, so I don't expect you to tiptoe around any subject or issue. In fact, I think that healthy criticism supported by valid arguments is always welcome.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

6 years ago #13

Indeed, insensible content on the social media platforms rattles with its own berserk ways!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #12

Thank you, Franci Eugenia Hoffman, for reading and sharing this post. My best to you. Cheers!#15

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman

6 years ago #11

Sharing, Phil Friedman.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #10

#11
@Cyndi Wilkins - I would love to answer your last question in detail, but... I have to meet my little green comrades when they land their hyper-space vehicle in about an hour. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #9

#8
, thank you for that clarification. I was, of course, just yanking your chain -- which those who know me well, also know that I am wont to do. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #8

#5
Chas Wyatt, thank you for reading and commenting. To clarify, you will note that I personally reject debate as a legitimate activity, since it has primarily to do with persuasion, and not the seeking of truth. Pretty akin to selling. I also eschew "criticism" for the most part, as it implies the personal expression of judgement concerning value -- something that is quite subjective. And I use a sense of the word "argue" which is consistent with that used in philosophical discussion, and which does not contain any component of acrimony. Consequently, we are left with what you call "intellectualization". Personally, I believe and submit to you that intellect is the clearest window to the soul, not as is so often advanced, emotion. Therefore, I also believe that intellectual engagement is a much surer path to person-to-person connection than what I perceive (perhaps unfairly) you are getting at. From my point of view, emotion acts as armor to protect one's own prejudices and presumptions from questioning and uncertainty, however much such uncertainty is justified. As to non-participation, engagement is not mandated. However, it you or anyone else published (meaning makes public) an opinion concerning some subject, then I feel you have invited comment, and that it is fair to make such comment, whether pro or con. If one wants to publish, but is not inviting comment, perhaps one should put a red sticker in the corner of the first page of the piece, which says "Honest comment is not solicited, and not appreciated. Please post only positive comments." Then I and others like me will know not to waste our time reading what the author has to say. Cheers! .

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #7

#9
Totally! I feel like I've just had a virtual lobotomy;-0 Are you sure you are not an extraterrestrial masquerading around as our lovable Mr. Phil Friedman??

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #6

Wow! Take that Phil Friedman!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #5

#4
@Cyndi wilkins - Thank you for reading and commenting. I agree that the "science of thought" is as yet quite imprecise, however, rational discussion is not part of such science. Rather rational thought and intelligent exchanges instances of the USE of thought, and can be sufficiently precise, even though we do not understand, at a meta-level, the how the mechanism actually works. For example, our understanding of how the brain functions is still quite in its infancy, but that does not mean we cannot learn to act on a playing field with sure-footed precision. As well, I disagree that truth is subjective. While each of our respective perception and intellectual view of what is true may, indeed, be tinged with subjectivity and personal POV, it does not follow that there is no objective truth. Two plus two equals four is a true equation, independent of whether or not I mistake five apples in a bag for four, and at the same time, you mistake three apples for four. A lot of people mistakenly think that Einstein's Theory of Relativity forever proved that everything is relative, when in fact, the theory actually postulates a way to establish objectively true (non-relative) points in the time/space continuum, in the face of the relativity (subjectivity) of perception. Deep s$#t, eh?

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #4

#3
@ Julie Hickman - yes, you are correct. Open and honest engagement is to my mind a keystone of interpersonal relationships, both in and outside of business. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #3

#2
, thank you for reading and commenting. And for the kind words... I think. I have concern over two points you make: 1) That you found me scary, and 2) that I remind you of your grandfather. For the record, I do try not to be overbearing or "scary", although I do recognize that some people take any measure of disagreement as basically hostile. I hope that your initial impression of me has passed, and that you can see I'm really pretty much of a Teddy bear. As well, although I am flattered by your comparison of me to your grandfather, understand that you are treading on thin ice when you make age-related comments like that to me. For such comments tend to remind me of the lack of hair on the top of my head, which I work mightily never to glimpse in any mirror at home or elsewhere. Cheers!

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #2

"Recognize that engaging in a rational search for a truth about some thought or idea (however mundane or minimal in terms of global impact) is not acting like a troll." ...No it is not...and recognize as well, that the "truth" is as subjective as the science of thought itself. Thank you for an excellent post Phil Friedman...I'm sure this will create quite a "buzz" here on beBee as well!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #1

Thank you, Javier C\u00e1mara Rica, for sharing this post.

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