Big Bird To Host Next White House Correspondents Dinner

It seems conservatives and liberals alike were outraged over Michelle Wolf’s scathing 19-minute comedy set Saturday evening at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

“She said dirty words,” gasped an evangelical congressman. “I had the vapors!”

To ensure this doesn’t happen again, PBS megastar Big Bird will host next year’s event.

“This event is about compassion, unity, and fostering mutual respect,” White House Correspondents Dinner president Margaret Talev told The Lint Screen. “Michelle was divisive and critical of others. She used potty language, too. That is just not how things are done in Washington these days. We believe Big Bird will bring us together and perhaps take us on an exciting journey to Conjunction Junction. Our organization has serious journalists, and I’m sure they would enjoy that immensely.”

“Michelle made fun of Sarah Huckabee Sanders,” said an incensed New York Times reporter. “That is totally out-of-bounds — like using the wrong fork at dinner. Sarah has a tough job to do and she does it well. All of us in the press corps appreciate her candor and forthrightness in telling it like it is.”

“I don’t know who that awful woman was,” a conservative writer said. “She did not show our president the respect he has earned in his efforts to make America great again. He doesn’t candy coat the truth. But her? She wasn’t white and she was a woman, and she said nothing but lies and treasonous insults. I suspect she was probably an illegal alien, maybe even an Islamic terrorist. Certainly not the kind of person who should have a microphone.”

Perhaps Big Bird will bring Ernie next year!

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PD Scullin is a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to be a full-time Writing Fool.

He has two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).