Being Immortal: A Major Pet Peeve

You know being immortal truly has its upsides.

I mean for one you are immortal.

It doesn’t get any better than that, right?

But dang, immortal spiritual beings have pet peeves.

We do.

And one real big one is being located.

See, an immortal spiritual being has no location in space or time.

You just are.

Yet you are constantly being located.

It’s one of our biggest pet peeves.

You know, like when you had to go to school.

It wasn’t so much school, really.

Some days it was just not where you wanted to be located.

Maybe you woke up and it was a perfect day to grab your fishing pole and head for the lake. Slap together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, hop on your bike and fly like the wind, you know?

Power of Choice:

Listen, if you have no location in space or time then where you are in any given moment is by your own power of choice.

But someone or something else locating you can override your power of choice.

And really, if you stand back and look at it, power of choice is really this incredible innate ability of yours.

Think about it.

Power. Of. Choice.

Doesn’t it sound delicious?

I mean that could be the name of a protein shake.

Dang, who wouldn’t drink that, right?

And when you step back and look at your life there are things you choose to do and things that “choose you.”

If you like where you work then that’s your choice.

But what if you don’t like where you work?

Well, you are located.

Immortal spiritual beings get a bit testy when they are located without their consent.

And even when we consent we’re a testy lot.

You’re Coming to the Office Party, Right?:

While at work you’re sent the office memo and told you need to be some place, like the quarterly party or the weekend softball game.

It’s not so much a warm and fuzzy invite, you know?

More like the Magna Carta or something.

You need to be there.

Right?

And you get this feeling if you don’t show, you know, you choose not to be located, that there is something wrong with you, right?

“You’re coming to the office party aren’t you??????!!!!”

Their emphasis is not so much on the party, as it is making sure you feel each of their question marks and exclamation points????!!!!

Which you cannot really answer because it’s a trick question.

It’s not about the party.

It’s about making sure you’re located.

It’s why it often feels a tad creepy.

Too many ?????? and !!!!! added to the soup makes you look real hard at the soup.

Enforced Communication:

See, an enforced communication from a group can be overwhelming because you are part of that group.

So when you choose not to be where the group is, well, you understand why these pictures of you standing before a tribunal like something out of a Ridley Scott movie start flooding into your head.

And as your exuberant friends pose this question to you enthusiastically waiting for your reply and you say “No,” you have to prepare yourself for the next barrage of the Collective WTF? questions.

“Whaaaatt?? Why aren’t you going????” (including more ????)

See, there is no answer to this question.

The question is underscored by the unspoken incredulousness that you’re not coming.  

If you said, “Because I don’t want to,” what would come next?

“What do you meeeeaan you don’t want toooooo????? It will be funnnnnn!!!!

See?

Note: Another one of our pet peeves is questions with way too much emphasis on the ???? and !!!!

Right?????????????

Sorry. Got carried away there.

Your answer could only be something that would answer their incredulousness that you’re not coming.  

“My grandmother has tuberculosis. She lives alone and asked if I’d come over as she isn’t feeling well.”

“Oh. Wow. That’s so thoughtful of you. I hope she feels better. See you.”

The “why” of why you are not coming is a pure significance added to a simplicity.

You simply choose not to go.

One can pose and ask “Why” questions all day long.

But you are not Dr. Phil.

And you completely object to “Why questions” and  Dr. Phil because that road feels like you’re on LSD.

Or, that you’ll be snatched up by flying monkeys because you are off the reservation with your fellow travelers who also do not want to go to the party.

Instead they are more interested in looking for a heart, a brain, and some courage.

It’s Your Choice:

It’s simple.

Breakfast is ready.

You smell the bacon and eggs.

You want to be there.

Location by choice.

Megan calls and says “We’re all going to the mall, you coming?

“No.”

"Whaaaaaatttt?????"

See?

Not your mall. Not your monkeys.

And listen, this can swing wildly from deciding “No” to the mall one day, and next you’re attending the after work party you said you would never attend.

Well, that would be the power of choice, wouldn’t it?

I mean the power in power of choice would be the ability to decide yes or no, right?

There’s no power in always saying yes.

Or always saying no.

Your decision is the engine that drives choice.

And your power is what drives your decision.

You may need to read that again.

Locating You in The Past:

Ever turn on your car radio and hear a tune from the 70’s or 80’s and you’re immediately in that song and reminded of a relationship that ended and broke your heart?

That song is locating you in time and space, see?

And for that brief moment you are located somewhere else.

And then you miss your exit.

And you are so pissed.

Fucking Fleetwood Mac.

Immortal Spiritual Beings hate...I repeat hate missing their exit.

Why?

Because it locates them in time and space not of their choosing.

Not their exit.

And oh-so mad at the monkeys.

You Are Not Wrong:

Probably the most upsetting part of being located is not that others are trying to locate you where they want. I mean, if they say you should go to the seminar and you choose to go, you’re good.

But you ever had one of these?

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO THE SEMINAR?????????????”

And their reaction has the same amount of ?????????? as I write here.

You know, like you just mooned the Pope or something and they’re like AGHAST, right?

But see, this is what started the whole decline in the game of being immortal.

You weren’t supposed to go rogue.

Nah.

We grew up with the Lone Ranger, Robin Hood and Zorro.

When Zorro took his whip and left is signature “Z” we knew he was free to roam the cabin long before we knew what the hell that meant.

Power of Choice and Freedom:

When you exercise your power of choice you feel a certain freedom.

When you feel your freedom is being encroached upon or in someway held up to scrutiny, your trigger finger on your ray gun that is no longer on your hip, gets itchy.

You begin to feel that you will fight all the monkeys no matter what because the yellow brick road was supposed to lead to someplace you wanted to be.

Not someplace that another or others determined.

Which is in essence the definition of being located.

You Need to Come Down to the Precinct:

Some people can wittingly or unwittingly make you wrong for not going where they think you should go. When you get this feeling from them, it makes you feel like you’ve got Scurvy or something, right?

Like you need to come down to the Precinct for questioning.

You see, beings exercising their power of choice with ray guns on their hip had to be tracked.

And we don’t like being tracked.

We always seem to toss those trackers into someones bourbon on the rocks to fool the bad guys.

The Basic Objection:

What is this basic objection to being located?

It is this:

Location is being placed in time and space.

For example, you know where your house is located.

That’s a good thing.

But if you’re told you have to be home by 10, and you object, it’s because being located is like being a house.

A house is fixed in its location.

You are not.

What came with your immortality card is freedom to roam around the cabin.

And let me tell you.

We love to roam.

We love to go where no man’s gone before.

The Final Frontier sounds like Huckleberry Finn on steroids.

We want whatever that is.

Homework vs. Schoolwork:

When we were told we had homework we thought to ourselves, “Why am I doing school work at home when I’m located in school all day?”

Right?

We didn’t object to the homework.

We objected to being located at home doing something we should be doing at school.

If you did not do your homework you were quickly located by your parents sitting in front of you enforcing your location.

If you don’t show up at the quarterly party you will be located by the unspoken “why-didn’t-you-attend-the-party-looks” by your colleagues the next day at work.

We object.

Objection sustained.

We need Perry Mason on speed dial.

Consenting in Order to Be Agreeable:

When you compromise your own reality and go into agreement against your better judgement, you then find yourself at this party or outing and take pause. You’ll be sipping your drink and posing to yourself in thought, “Why did I agree to come to this party?”

You think you hate parties.

No. It’s much simpler than that.

You simply don’t like being located.

Not your exit.

Not your party.

Not your monkeys.

Just remember that you always have a choice.

That is part of your power.

And exercising your power to decide is not often easy. Up against fixed ideas and the social fabric, you can sometimes meet strong resistance.

A couple thousand years ago a carpenter from the Middle East found this out by reportedly walking on water.

I didn’t get that office memo, but I can tell you right now I’d have gone to that pool party.

And if I’d have seen that man after the party, I would have given him my ray gun because it was obvious someone was going to put and end to that display of power.

When You Feel You Have No Choice:

When you are in one of those moments where you are up against the agreed upon reality of your work or group and you disagree, you will more times than not freeze on the trigger to exercise your power of choice.

You freeze not because you don’t know your own viewpoint, but because the pressure to hold that viewpoint is nearly untenable.

Since your power depends solely on your ability to hold your position in space, when you do not hold your position and “go along” with the prevailing viewpoint, at that exact moment you have not only lost your own position or viewpoint, but also your power.

You are now located in the time and space by the viewpoints of the person or group you agreed with.

When you realize that where you are located be it where you work or live or even in a relationship you feel is not really what you signed up for, at its origin is your decision.

Your decision is the engine that drives choice.

And your power is what drives your decision.

What the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Lion all wanted was something unique that was missing in each of them.

These things they sought are an integral part of Power of Choice

That’s why they were on that yellow brick road.

They knew it took brains and courage and heart.

Dave Worthen

Author. Consultant. International Speaker.

Website: www.daveworthen.com

Books: Dave Worthen Books