Before You Leave

Have you ever spoken to someone who fell out of love? Have you ever been someone who fell out of love? All holy text is written with the bold expectation that humans have command over their feelings. In God’s household, you are expected to fall back in love. That’s not a popular concept in Western culture, but it’s an immutable biblical truth. Can you imagine that? A God who holds us accountable for our behaviors—despite our feelings!

What if Yahweh’s bride said, “But I’m not feeling it!”? Well, she did. (Jer 3:8) His answer was revolutionary: Make yourself feel it. Brides who complain that they no longer “feel it” are ignoring the Godly injunction: Do loving behaviors. That creates loving feelings. According to God, and science, behaviors come first, feelings come later.

“Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart: thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people; but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself: I am Yahweh.” –Le 19:17-18

According to science writer, Michelle Flythe, our behaviors not only come from feelings, but more important, behaviors also instill new feelings. Happiness isn’t just a state of mind. Happiness effects your heart rate, your body chemistry, and it could contribute to beneficial health. Procuring family happiness is healthy. Happiness lowers levels of cortisol, which is related to abdominal obesity, type II diabetes, hypertension, and immune disorders. This proves there is a unique biology for happiness that floods us with health advantages. We have a moral obligation to our family to be happy.

Expressions of endearment are supposed to mean something. What does that say about us, if our proclamations of love turn counterfeit? In Song of Songs, the Shulamite’s expressions of endearment may not be the most outrageous promises you’ve ever heard, but she intends to live up to them.

The God of Israel set a bold example when He told His wife (Israel), “and thou shalt love Yahweh thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.” –De 6:5 It takes a lot of gall to demand that someone love you. The God of Israel is a gutsy husband. I’ve always admired His boldness.

Consider the skill that goes into the production of quality perfumes. In Song of Songs, the Shulamite’s words were mixed with the same care as an artisan. Her words were fragrant, but not insincere. The Shulamite weighed her words, as carefully as a chemist, when addressing Solomon.

Families can still achieve great things without strong-arming those who disagree. Marriage, at its best, has a civilizing effect on men and women. Accept that disagreements are inevitable and some conflicts never get solved. That’s okay. Dodge the grid-lock of personal opinions. The shortest route to an enjoyable day is to set your disagreements aside and refocus on today’s family goals.

What a sad life when you become content with the thoughts you’ve already thought, and the deeds you’ve already done. We all have a duty to beat at the doors of something larger than yesterday. Love demands growth.

We’re all going through stages. Whether you’re falling in, or out of love; whether you’re beginning, or ending a growth cycle; link your yesterdays to the bigger journey. Whether these stepping stones are bitter, sweet, ugly, or beautiful, they all serve as stepping stones to somewhere.

In only five minutes you can make a radical change in the way your family life feels. Solomon set the emotional tone by the way he spoke to his wife. You too, have an amazing amount of choice in the emotional destination of your family. Look for ways to extend your love in small ways. Start with your children. Train them as envoys, to reach out and extend your husband’s realm—and make that realm worth extending.