Patrick Scullin

6 years ago · 2 min. reading time · 0 ·

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A Peek Inside Trump’s “Happy Files”

A Peek Inside Trump’s “Happy Files”

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The Lint Screen has an exclusive so hot, you may need solar eclipse glasses and oven mitts to read it.

When it was reported last week that glorious leader Donald Trump receives two folders each day chock-full of good news about the great job he’s doing, our journalistic sleuths went to work.

Below are excerpts of the praise for our tremendous commander-in-chief contained within one of these special folders:

THE ENTIRE TRANSCRIPT OF THAT MORNING’S ‘FOX & FRIENDS” SHOW, ALONG WITH A PICTURE OF HOSTS STEVE DOOCY, BRIAN KILMEADE, AND AINSLEY EARHARDT GIVING THEIR THUMBS UP, SIGNED WITH THE SALUTATION, “KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK, MR. PRESIDENT! WE LOVE YOU AND ARE PROUD TO LIVE IN YOUR COUNTRY!!!”

A LETTER FROM 9-YEAR OLD MATTHEW BUCKSIN OF GASDEN, ALABAMA (WRITTEN IN PENCIL, REPRINTED EXACTLY) —
Dere Prezidant Trump,
I think you are the best prezidant ever!!! Better than Linkon, Washingtun and evryune els.
You are my hero and I am prowd and wuld lik to mete you sum day.
Mak Amerika grat agin!
Sincerlee,
Matt Buckskin
Honore Studant

A SELECTION OF TWEETS:
@deathtoimmigrants
Anyone who doesn’t think Trump will Make America Great Again should be deported — support our AMAZING PRESIDENT, OR GET THE HELL OUT!!!

@ericthebestson
I sincerely believe Donald J. Trump is the best leader America has ever had and I love him very much. He’s also the greatest businessman and dad ever! I would love to have dinner with him sometime soon. Pleeeeeeeease!!!

@libtardhater
Hey snowflakes… you lost!!! Hillary should be in jail! DJT is in charge, doing an incredible job getting so much done and MAGA!!!

@killthemall
If you talk against Trump, you are unAmerican and should be shot. Free speech! Trump was a TV star, now he’s the star of the world. If he can’t Make America Great Again, nobody can. SUPPORT TRUMP!!!

@whiteasrain
The Donald is going to build that wall and Mexico will pay for it! Bank on it! Trump is a man of his word and if you don’t believe him your (sic) an idiot!!!

@sexyivanka
Donald J. Trump is such a handsome, charismatic, dynamic, energetic, intelligent, and powerful man, America is lucky to have him. Any woman would die to have such an incredible man. MAGA, you babe-magnet you!!!

A PHOTOGRAPH OF A LION KILLING A GAZELLE WITH THE FOLLOWING INSCRIPTION:
“I’m a kitten compared to you. President Trump, you are truly the king of the jungle! — -Leo The Lion”

A PHOTOGRAPH OF KIM JONG-UN WITH THE FOLLOWING INSCRIPTION:
“I am very afraid of you because you are such a strong leader. Please do not bomb me! –- Kim Jong-Un, The Leader of North Korea”

A PHOTOGRAPH OF A COAL MINER WITH A DIRTY FACE WITH THE FOLLOWING INSCRIPTION:
“Thanks for bringing back more clean coal jobs. You are a man of your word, ALWAYS, and clean coal is the answer to all America’s problems! — -Carl The Coal Miner”

A PHOTOGRAPH OF WARREN BUFFET WITH THE FOLLOWING INSCRIPTION:
“I am angry because I am not as smart and rich as you. You make me very, very jealous! Keep up the fantastic work, Mr. President! — Warren B., Your #1 Fan”

A PHOTOGRAPH OF SUPERMAN WITH THE FOLLOWING INSCRIPTION:
“I wish I was Donald J. Trump. He is the REAL SUPERMAN!”

The rest of the folder included transcripts along with screen captures from the rest of the Fox News schedule of the previous 12-hours.

##########################################

Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).


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