Is there a manual for being in your 50s?

I started this discussion group with the intention of opening conversations about what folks would like to do in their advanced-mid-career path, and perhaps discover new opportunities or perspectives that might open new doors. I hope to expand this in the real world (as opposed to this digital world) in my social interactions. I recently joined the first round of EJ Reedy's new venture, Intentional Gravity and am excited to start attending his events and meeting new people. I unfortunately missed the first event due to a family trip to Nigeria but I hope to attend the next five events or so. But back to this discussion group - so far, I've received many comments about how my post resonated strongly  with them - and I'm glad it did! I would love to see and hear about similar experiences and thoughts on moving forward. You hear about being vulnerable as a way to break down barriers to participation and I've seen this used effectively - so I'll start and see if this goes anywhere…

I'd consider myself relatively healthy for my age. Fortunately, no major health problems (that I know about anyway!). I try to eat well, do high intensity fitness 2-3 times a week, and enjoying doing things that stimulate the mind. However, there are things that happen when you are about 50 that you don't hear about (or at least I didn't hear about them - maybe I'm reading the wrong magazines?). There's the usual stuff such as aging parents with their health and digital/computer issues, teenage drama around your kid's friends and activities, getting a colonoscopy (which, if it wasn't for the two days prior to the procedure, isn't too bad - you get a nice nap during the inspection and you can terrify your kids by asking if they want to see the inside of your rectum), but there's also what I might call something akin to  “anti-puberty” - your routines change in ways that make you less physically attractive. You've probably heard about your eyesight changing in your 40s - well, that doesn't seem to stop and now I have progressive lenses, but also reading, and separately, “computer glasses” which are set for slightly different distances. Without the right glasses, I can still function, but reading a lot seems to induce a nap. That's one body part - there's another - you'll notice that (for folks with a prostate), you can't pee as fast as you once did. Apparently your prostate gets slightly larger and constricts the urethra. You ask the doctor about this and they just laugh and say welcome to the club of old people!  About 2 years ago, my shoulder started hurting (not sure if it was due to BJJ or not - but more on that later). It's not a pain you can localize and rub to you make you think you're helping it get better faster. It's deeper, and sharp, and doesn't seem to get better - until one day (6-12 months later) it's just gone. You mention that to your older friends, and they say, “Oh yeah, I had that! it hurts for about a year then goes away. I don't know how it started or why it went away." 

In different circles of folks, sometimes the topic of a “mid-life crisis” comes up. I don't think that's happened to me and taken literally, maybe it means I haven't reached “mid-life” yet! Anyways, I joked with my wife and asked her “what do you think I should do for my mid-life crisis?”. I just got an eye roll and and comment about “I don't think that's how it is supposed to work…”. The closest thing to that might be my starting Krav Maga in 2014. For those of you not in the know - it's an Israeli self defense system that draws from many different martial arts. I documented my journey and understanding of techniques and the relevant context so that I could better understand how each and every piece fit together, view the full curricular spectrum, as well as how it fares compared to other martial arts styles. In short, it is a standup style where you rarely go to the ground because it's harder to get away from the danger if you are on the ground. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) is a specialized ground fighting style that complements Krav Maga and rounds out your understanding of how physical altercations can evolve. I tried BJJ for several months before giving up - not because it was hard (but also very fun) - most people doing that seemed to be heavier by 20 pounds and younger by 15-20 years - but due to longer term health concerns. My back hurt, and my finger joints swelled up to the point where I couldn't wear my wedding band. Talking to the advanced practitioners (who are impressively agile and can pretty easily submit someone heavier and stronger than them) revealed that you trade off physical health for this high level of skill. One of my goals is to not have any knee or other joint replacements. 

So going back full circle - feel free to comment and and ask questions. I'd like to hear your career or other thoughts!